The Quilt Scout
by Mary Fons
Swami Scout Reveals Your Quilting Horoscope
Reading your horoscope is kind of like eating a dish of those frozen ice cream pellets at the county fair. It’s a strange experience you don’t understand but it’s harmless, really, and besides, how many times can a person go check out what’s happening in the hog barn?
That a quilter would have a specific horoscope is not a new idea, but until now, no one has consulted the Great and Wondrous Swami Scout. She is very mysterious and in high-demand, for she tells not just a daily quilter horoscope, but gives month-by-month horoscopes for the whole year, and will do that for you now.
Quilters consulting Swami Scout’s great-great-grandmother to know their future. At least their future purchases. Image: Wikipedia.
“Oh, Great and Wondrous Swami Scout,” you say, admiring her gauzy cape. “That sounds amazing. But how can you tell me my zodiac future without knowing my astrological sign?”
You notice a serious buildup of dust on Swami Scout’s crystal ball, though you don’t say anything about it, which Swami Scout appreciates.
Swami Scout throws her head back and laughs, knocking off her turban in the process, but it’s fine. The Swami takes your hand and looks deep into your eyes and says, “Swami Scout does not require such trivial details when it comes to the knowledge of celestial bodies. Just…just don’t ask so many questions.”
Before you have time to change your mind, the Swami whips her cape around her body so that she’s just peeking out over the top, which she feels makes her look very psychic. Swami Scout’s assistant, Rhianna, comes in with tea and then you all sit down as the master shares with you your horoscope for the coming year after asking you if you’ll be using a credit card or paying in cash.
Prints of this painting available for $9.99 with purchase of membership to the Swami Scout Club. Image: Wikipedia.January
This year you will need to be more careful
with your money. You may find things in a store that you really want, but this year, focus more on the things that you need. You need more fabric.
You will have to work hard to keep your energy and overall vitality up. It will be important for you to get as much sleep as possible to renew your energy levels, so stop watching so much Netflix and go to bed.
Ugh. It’s cold and rainy. You should probably just stay inside and sew. You can put something
on Netflix, I guess.
With the moon in Capricorn and the sun in Gemini (???) it’s a terrific month to deal with your Un-Finished Objects (UFOs.) They miss you.
You will be involved in many guild activities, which will leave very little time to concentrate on any one of them. Get a Second You and put her to work. Then let me know where you got her because I could really use a Second Me.
This is a good month to make investments, so buy the really, really expensive sewing machine. I foresee one coming on the market that makes you a cup of coffee and listens
to you when you just need to get a few things off your chest. It will also do an amazing blanket stitch.
Ugh. It’s so hot. You should probably just stay inside and sew. But no Netflix!
This looks like some kind of tool that might be helpful but heck if I know. Image: Wikipedia.August
Still hot — but look at how much you’re getting done!
There will be major changes in your professional life. Maybe it’s a new job, maybe it’s retirement. Maybe you’ll get promoted, but you might get let go. You could become the CEO of a Fortune 500 company, but you might embark on a failed business venture. It’s impossible to say, really. After all, no one can see the future. I mean…um, well, haha, that’s a joke, you see. Of course, I can tell the future. That’s my job! It’s totally possible to see the future. Promise. I’m sorry, there are no refunds for Swami Scout’s mystical predictions. Where were we?
You’re getting very good at machine applique on your new machine. Watch out for
If you’re gonna get that Yuletide Cheer Christmas quilt done, you gotta start that
Family and friends bring warmth and comfort. Everyone admires your Yuletide Cheers Christmas table topper.